Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Standing in the middle of yesterday
Kevin knew about my spring break trip to CA and was excited. He was going to come down to Long Beach for a couple of days and stay at a childhood friends house. I was excited to! However, when I got to California he never answered his phone, or responded to my emails. I was scared, he never has done this before. So I call up our friend Billy and tell him whats going on. Billy tries calling and emailing and the same thing happens, no repsonce what-so-ever. I tried to forget about it and jsut relax and have fun, but I would be lying if I told you all that I completly let it go. No way! I am known to worry myself sick, but I tried not to let it affect me.
On Friday when I got home I started going through the tons of emails I had to respond to. Vacations suck when it comes to things like that. There was still nothing from Kevin. Then I remembered a discussion board that he participates on for Bishop Spong. (a retired Methodist Bishop who has written a few books). Well, it seems as though Mr. Mequet can have time to post on a stupid discussion board but he can't call me to say he isn't going to meet me in Long Beach?!!! He can't call me to tell me he is bussy? He can't call me to tell me to fuck off????? I mean seriously. I was so uncharactoristically mad, and really hurt by his lack of consideration. I then wrote an email to Billy explaining everything and saying a ton of really bad things. Billy forwarded my email to Kevin and now I am regretting the words I said. They where hurtful and mean.
I still haven't heard anything from Kevin and neither has anyone else who I know, knows him. I want to write an apology to him telling him I am sorry for the things I said, but at the same time I feel like I really do have the right to say those things because of what he did to me.
Frenchy in Grease said "The only man a girl can trust is her daddy." I can't even trust my father!!!!!!!! I guess I can't trust any men.
I know you liked Kevin, but I got just the slightest icky feeling from him. Not dislike, really, but a most definite feeling that he was not someone I would invite to a party with my friends. Tu sais?
(That could be because he reminded me of someone else I kinda knew from the internet--one of the moderators of the Chris Beckman website forum, who eventually got me banned.)
I know I can be guilty of this, but there was just a little too much "Listen to me, I have all the answers" about him.
I know you never liked him much. He was differant in emails and on the phone then on the bored though. He would always tell me not to base my decissions on his, and I even got to teach him new things and put him in his place once in a while which I got nothing but praises for doing.
Billy asked if he could forward the email and I was still in the heat of the moment so I said yes. Regretfully? I'm not sure.
I talked to Jim Anderson yesterday and he is going to try to get ahold of Kevin. He got to meet him in San Francisco and he really enjoyed the visit...so I don't know. I guess I will wait it out a while longer and if I still don't hear anything I will snail mail a formal apology just because I don't like to hold grudges. I like to keep a clean slate so at least there will be an apology for the things I said. After that I will just have to move on :/
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